Ok so Happy New Year!
Normally at the beginning of the year I have a feeling. Yeah yeah I know it sounds wanky, but its true. I have a feeling of how the year will be. One year I remember feeling like I was going to be ok for money and that year low and behold I landed quite a few commercials and was better financially than I had been before. Not that I have any of that moulah now as I am atrocious at saving! But anywho! Another year I felt like I was going to be away from home a lot. Very fortunately I was asked out to India on a lot of occasions for great projects on the Bollywood scene. The year before I hadn’t been offered any jobs abroad. It wasn’t just like I hadn’t taken any and that next year i had changed my mind and started taking the offers.
One year I freaked a little as I just couldn’t feel anything. Felt unsure about how the year was going to go. Then as that first day of January went on I started to feel more positive about the year and got excited by the prospect of it. ( no I wasn’t just getting through a hangover!) that year the first half of it was pretty non existent. I don’t remember anything memorable, or challenging or anything I learnt through that time apart from patience. Then just as the last quarter of the year started I started picking up work again. An amazing and enjoyable project pretty much landed in my lap.
I totally understand if your like nuh rubbish. That’s fine I understand.
If your still here then I will move onto my point( not totally sure there is one but I did have one at one point) the way this year started I think was my point.
So this year. The clock struck twelve, I’m with the two most important people in my life, we have a circle of crackers( yes we are all a bit nuts, but I mean literally we are joined by Christmas crackers) we pull on them as the bell chimes and….crack….I lose from both sides.
Now this would normally, I’m sure, not be weird to most people or to myself but this last Christmas I was the cracker queen. And randomly there were a lot to pull. I was winning nail clippers and mini note pads left right and centre!
But here I am on my one special psychic day of the year, and I am stood with none of the prizes. Of course having the crazy actress brain I have, full of neurotic tendencies, superstitions galore and the all consuming fear of bad luck, this flickers a warning sign into my head!!
WARNING!! THIS IS A SIGN!!!!!! WARNING!!!!! this means you will not win any jobs!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
So of course I deal with it as any actress does,(it all goes internal) I put on a big smile and am happy for the oscar winners with their mini magic trick, paper crown and amazing trivia questions certificate.
Ok so it unnerved me, but as I have grown up a little I didn’t let it totally freak me out ( well maybe a little) I got on with the day. I went to bed.
Later on, we took a walk. Of course I did I’m English, its what we do. Nice brisk drenching walk in the lovely rain soaked clarty paths of Devon.
Got back from the torture and settled in to bum flattening movie watching! Random choices I’m sure you will think Jerry Maguire and Fight Club. Now we came to this more through bullying and winding up each other over the last few months. My two compadres needed to be educated in very different ways. We came to the truce of both being watched on this one afternoon of complete rest.
Anyways my long winded story brings me to the fact that Jerry Maguire reminded me to remember.
Remember why I always wanted to be an actress.
Remember the passion.
Remember the little things.
Remember what’s actually important.
Wills had never wanted to watch the Tom Cruise blockbuster. But we did and I think even he got something out of it.
So anyways moving onto the Mothers education with Fight Club.
Well if your can’t even begin to think what I was reminded and empassioned about I think you had better get off your Device, laptop iPad, phone whatever and get a hold of Fight Club and watch it!
It reminded me to be alive. However Im Not about to give up the desire to perform. But I do want to live with purpose. Live with my conscience in tact. I must admit the last year I have made enemies because I started to remember my morals and have some self worth. I tell you, it’s hard to do. But worth it. I lost people I worked closely with, people who enabled me to make good money. Really though, what did they aid my life. What do those people aid your life? Coz they are there. And they are sucking you dry.
They chipped and chipped away at my self worth. Watching Fight Club reminded me, to take some control back. To take responsibility for where I am and who I am. In one sense i saw it all as a mission statement to my brain.
My Mission Statement
But Be, who you want to be.
Be who you are without forgetting others are only trying to be who they think they should be.
I’m sorry if that’s just ramblings to you but it made sense to me. We all work on a slightly different wave length. Maybe someone out there will find this clicks with them. I hope so, I feel enlightened by life.
Happy New Year!