The Purple Plain

BFI London Film Festival ,official selection.

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So excited to finally share this! A fabulous film I worked on earlier this year. A beautiful tribute to the Mercury 13. Don’t know what I’m talking about?? Watch the film!!!! Tickets still available for the BFI London Film Festival Selection here

https://whatson.bfi.org.uk/lff/Online/default.asp?BOparam::WScontent::loadArticle::permalink=journey

Let me know what you think about it!

Walk a day in my shoes

Could you really? We all like to think we can empathize and sympathize with our fellow man (I do not do political correctness) but do we really even try past politeness sake? Are we sure we don’t gloss over and nod and apologise?
I have had a pretty shitty last year in particular. I say shitty as it hasn’t left me fighting for my life, I have not had to deal with the loss of a friend or relative (thank you god) I am still with a roof over my head. So am I about to commit a first world problems offence? Let’s see.
I like to think that I am pretty self aware. I feel like I have always tried to dredge up real empathy for those sharing something distressing or personal. But after the last few months of trials life has served me over the net, and my less and less ability to hit the solutions back, I have begun to re-think and reassess.
Have I glossed over and made someone else feel like their issue was just a irritation to my timetable?
I definitely feel like I have committed the offense of being An inconvenience on their walk from the station, forcing them to will their house was a different direction from the station to mine?
I was broken into several years back and it took me a good long while to get over it. Actually let’s go back even further, I was once taking a very lame typical tourist shot of the arc de ‘ triumph with my mum trying not to smile in front of it, when a blur of dirt and leather flew inches from my face swiping the shiny silver cyber shot from my fingers. My last years birthday present. To all those of the younger generation that is a camera. One separate from a phone. A stand alone camera.

I stupidly with one thought in my head started to chase the blur. My thought being that I had for once actually taken pictures at one of my ice skating shows and was not about to lose the images that I wouldn’t be able to get back. So I’m running through streets of Barcelona that I don’t know at all after this a-hole. Letting him weave me deeper into the alleyways of local neighbour hoods. People standing in doorsteps just watch as I yell asking them to “STOP HIM” or Please help me”. selfishly not even thinking about where my mother was or her fear for my saftey.

Thankful to my mothers encouragement of my ice skating and a ferocious Scottish woman called Margarita(my coach) I had fitness endurance and so managed to keep running till the morrocan tea leaf got exhausted. we ended up in an opening where building works had started but were now abandoned. I had got a hold of his jacket and asked him for my camera. I even tried to punch him. I may have given him a dead arm but he managed with his other arm to punch me. It made me flinch and let go of his jacket. I couldn’t see my camera and felt like it had all been pointless. Then suddenly my Mother appeared. She looked shaken but still she forcefully asked for the camera but the nasty piece instead picked up a brick and threw it at us just as 3 police officers came round the corner. Apparently whilst I was out jogging for 15mins with the sheisse a man had tried to assist my mum, he succeeded and managed to get police officers to boot! How they found me I don’t know, although I did realise we hadn’t actually traveled that far as on the run we past a fat man who just watched from his door way offering no assistance what so ever, not even a foot to trip up my running companion. I saw him 3 times, so really we were just doing circles.

Anyways, after the brick throw and the arrival of the police, my jogging partner tried to run off but this time his marathon was cut short. The police dragged him back to where we were less than 30 seconds later. All got sorted. Ive got kind of off track haven’t i?

So anyway, the Barcelona marathon incident meant I was a pain to go away with. Actually not just when away, I became very conscious of everyone around me. Suspicious of everyone around me. On the tube, in a sop, in a restaurant, I became so insistent on knowing and checking where mine and whoever I was with’s belongings were. My poor ex-boyfriend managed not to throttle me when I made him check certain items for like the 100th time. Then when the house got burgled I started hating leaving the house unattended.

Now that was over 8 years ago but it was only last year that I started to not worry about leaving the radio on, or lights in case we didn’t get back before it got dark. Stopped hiding my jewelry away and had it on my dresser. So of course, like a lesson, we got broken into again. This time it was even worse. We came home to someone locking the door from the inside. The cheeky ducker then went back upstairs and proceeded to steal several favored possessions. Thank god for my Marine, who free ran over the fence and broke into the house giving the little sheisse less time than he had wanted and he only cleared out our  bedroom.

Ive heard the Chinese say being stolen from is to save you from a worse fate. I used to cling onto that. Now I’m just scared, scarred and angry. I have tried to empathise with the image of the burglar. but the consistent sleepkess night I know have, still waking with every creak in the house. Lying there for an hr trying not to breath to make sure that creak wasn’t a nasty skanky tea leaf. Going to auditions looking like a bag of doodoo thanks to this banker which means I am not at my best to win the ever enduring competition of auditioning.

Does that mean I am not really that self aware or empathetic or did it just get all used up. I didn’t choose to take drugs, I didn’t choose to leave home. I may not have liked everything all of the time but I listened to my parents, I respected their words of advice and I am where I am. Just because you may not be where you want to be or are jealous of other people having more than you does not mean its ok to make it their problem. This year we have had our number plates stolen twice, a log placed by our back wheels with the aim of making us damage our wheels. People have been taking phone contracts and insurances out in my name(how kind of them).

I know these are superficial issues and I am incredibly grateful for our health. For my close family member to have fought cancer, for one of our friends to have survived losing three limbs and to have taken life by the horns and built his house and had 2 fathered two children. I guess its because of those serious issues that I am unable to empathise with the low life shits of this world.

SNH Foto Shoot

Once you have found a photographer you click with you can have a lot of fun! Not long ago I did this shoot with Simon Howard of SNH Foto. A very skilled individual who made his name in the photography industry as a Physique photographer. Coming from a background in front of the camera Simon knows what helps a model, whether new or experienced feel good during a photo shoot so all come away feeling creatively buzzed with a heap of brag worthy images! If you are looking for a phothographer for yourself or for a professsional job I hugely recommend Si. He is not only skilled but a lovely chilled out guy who gets the job done!

snh -wm 2

www.snhfoto.com

TOWIE cherry popped

I for the first time since the world was subjected to it 4 years ago, watched 5 mins of ‘The Only Way is Essex’.

It was painful! Now I sometimes like a bit of reality TV as for acting purposes it is brilliant to watch human behavior. When things aren’t completely scripted, catching little moments of true reaction is priceless.

TOWIE however is not! It was just painful. I feel like people who are so painfully aware of the camera are unable to ever fully let go, without it being for the cameras. I also feel so uncomfortable for the cast involved that I just felt so uneasy for the whole 5minutes that it was definitely not a relaxing experience. I don’t like being a bitch and being completely negative as that doesn’t help anyone.

<blockquote>Don’t open your mouth if you ain’t got nothin nice to say.<blockquote>

So where am I going with this? Who knows right now, my brain is like jelly. I guess my thoughts are, why is it so popular? Why do people watch it? and what is its purpose?

I have kept on the washing gloves and not felt forced to remove them to change my background noise whilst washing up with the likes of “Made in Chelsea” or even Big Brother. Although I say that and the last time I even mistakenly caught Big Brother Davina McCall was still presenting it so I shouldn’t really paint them with the same brush as it has since moved to Channel 5 and who really knows what goes on there. But my point being is that it didn’t bother me and make me so physically and mentally uncomfortable as “towie” did. Is it because I have more of a connection of people from Essex than those from Chelsea? Almost like ridiculous American soaps that Americans scorn at but we find cute? Is it that my grandma lives in Essex and I find it remotely offensive, or actually more like distressing that they have turned it fashionable to be Chavvy in the whole of Essex not just Brentwood? Who knows, I just know that I couldn’t even use it as an acting lesson. The accents are so exaggerated, I don’t even recognise it and I spent many a summer in Southend dipping in and out of the turd water down at the Sea Front with Traaayc, Weeyaes and Claiyah (tracy, wesley and Clare).

I think I’m still trying to work out why I disliked it so as normally any reference or link to  where either of my families are from gives me that warm fuzzy feeling. I love that geordie with his fabulous houses program, i used to be addicted to Biker Grove. But that may have been for another reason entirely. I blame that whole debacle on the warm fuzzy feeling the accent gave me, but lets leave that there.

Ok lost my train of thought! Again! Apologies! Again!

 

Anyways I guess what I’m saying is its not for me. And its not because of being a reality show. I’m not that pompous negative person.

Just the wingy moany questioning one.