Hmmmm life

I don’t know how, but sometimes life does just take one big shift. Everything isn’t suddenly miraculously perfect but…something happens and suddenly the world is a much brighter place to love than yesterday. I am starting to come to the conclusion that making changes(and I’m not meaning crunchy instead of smooth PB) does increase the positive energy, the good luck, the…I don’t know…just good shiz to start flowing in your direction.I feel like it is the universe rewarding you for taking that step forward, for being brave to make a commitment, take on responsibility. That may sound childish and stupid but I have decided to no longer be afraid to take risks and not move forward. I am taking life by the…by something and riding it till the cows come home!buddydaywm


It’s either that or literally my dog is a good luck charm.


I’m a Groupie!

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As per usual I have joined Sean Lerwill on one of his shoots for Men’s Health and Maximuscle. I have succumbed to the fact that I am a Sean Lerwill groupie. He is pretty awesome though so I’m not ashamed!

I started looking through his pics to¬† choose a couple for the post and realised i had been present at all of the gigs above. I am so proud of all that he has achieved. He works hard, the hardest worker I have ever met. He is kind, considerate, loyal, honest and incredibly fair. Definitely a worthy role model if ever one was choosing to follow around another. I have learnt the commando ethos from Sean behaviour as it is ever present. The only one I may help Sean with at time to time is The Cheerfulness in the Face of adversity, he can be a wingey bugger, when he hasn’t eaten.


whatta ta do?

My fiance has become allergic to our puppy. The starting to clean himself and his change of fur has meant his saliva is ever more prevalent in our house and starting to affect Sean’s Marsupial glands. Breathing is becoming a struggle and the little scamps hairs are everywhere. I have the horrid feeling it will be one or the other time. I always knew I would love this little fella but I love him more than I thought possible. It is starting to become an incredibly depressing conclusion of having to give Buddy to a new family. For someone who has no intentions of having kids and a dog was going to fill that void I am starting to think on those women desperate to have a child but can’t. Last week I was feeling incredibly happy and was feeling so blessed that mine and Seans careers had been moving in positive directions. I have started a couple of new ventures which are giving me great positivity boosts, i finally have the dog ive always wanted, etc etc, all things good basically i made sure i was thankful and was grateful for all our blessings but for some reason something always has to come along to rain on your parade. I understand why Kurt Cobain felt safe in the sadness. It is nicer to have hope that it will get better than live in fear that it will be taken away.


Big responsibility

I have wanted a dog for years. And seriously been wanting one for 13 years. On the 15th of July after years of deliberation and upset I finally got him. His name is Buddy. He is a Chorkie. We picked him up the day before we turned 8 weeks old.

He has literally turned our lives upside down. From being people who visited the gym together 5-6times a week. I have been once since we picked him up. I have not slept properly through and am obsessed with his toilet behavior! I had never planned on having kids, I guess because I was not where I had hoped I would be in my career and so didn’t see the possibility to have both. I knew having a dog, a puppy especially was going to be hard work but I must admit I never knew quite how much. I know some people would say we are devoting a lot of our time to him and we could possibly back off. I actually think that was one of the reasons i didn’t want kids as I knew if i was going to be a mum I was going to do it fully. Whether it is potty training, or in buddy’s case puppy pad training or teaching him the basics of sit, come here and so on we are making sure he has them nailed asap. Within the first week he had nailed, come here, sit, lie down a few times and on day 8 leave it. That may seem a bit excessive and forceful but if he is going to be my dog then he is going to be the nuts. Unfortunately right now, I think the terrier side is bearing its little nippers and he is going nuts for about half an hr each day. Fortunately he then tires himself out and sleeps for a couple of ours while I get some editing of Self Made done.

Anyways right now he is lay next to me completely KO’d from a manic run round the garden and I am waiting for footage to transcode. I am fortunate that at this point in my career I am working with a lot of people who know me and have been fortunate to take BUddy with me, and on the days at which I am fortunate to work from home he keeps me company, forcing me to take a break from getting square eyes by needing some chew time!

Anyone thinking of getting a dog please do think carefully! If you are not going to be at home for the first six months of his life to train him well and keep him focused do NOT get one. It is unfair to the little pup. You wouldn’t leave a baby would you? I really do think they should be considered in the same league.

Anyone who does have a puppy and is coming across problems the best tecaher we have found is Zak George. Look up his YOUTUBE videos. He is amazing and it all works!

MY biggest advice and thankful knowledge is get him loads and loads of toys. If you think 2 is enough think again. The more they have the less furniture or toes he will distract himself with. We now have about 10 so where ever we are in the house when he is about to eat fingers or toes we replace them with one of his toys. And really a variety is a good idea. He will go from his Kong soft toy to his raw hide, to his rope, to his rubber kong.

Anyways here’s me sounding like an old hat when really I am still learning every second with BUddy. I am glad I waited until now because if you want to be a good owner then you will have to sacrifice alot. Not for always but probably for a few months to make sure they grow into the kind of dog people would want to look after for you, or that you can take places without him being an embarrassment.

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Every second counts

SelfMadeDespite the fact I’m looking incredibly pale and worn through, this picture makes me smile and remember filming in Alexandra Palace for the feature film Self Made. It was so nice to be able to use a skill I had learnt as a child. So my mothers money and 5am starts were not in vain. It brought back a lot of good and bad memories, as I had pretty much grown up in this gigantic fridge. From my first sprained ankle to my first kiss, the instant i smelt the distinct ice rink whiff it all came flooding back.

Fortunately I wasn’t too scarred by the memories and instead was inspired to take skating back up as a hobby. Its pretty amazing to come back to it as an adult. I no longer hang off the side too embarrassed to attempt moves for fear of being laughed at by the girls who bullied me, nor am I bored of it due to going 9 times a week and being chased the length of the rink by an angry Scottish woman, my coach not just a random. Now, I am happy to attempt jumps with a new found ability to push myself. I think the weight training has definitely increased my ability to jump higher and be able to attack moves more powerfully. My desire to not waste anymore of my life has also meant hardly any time is wasted not moving. Making every second count.

Break the mould


A big thank you to the covent garden Starbucks team of barista’s for being able to think outside the box, see the grey area, read between the lines, break the rules but not the law, and clearly be a bit more of a happy creative bunch than my local Starbucks posse.
I am excited to take this to my local and see what they make of it! What excuses and looks of aggression I will receive!
You never know I might even score a biscotti frappuccino or inspire some individual to stop being so monochrome and see the light in the dark.
I used to work in service industry jobs. Where didn’t I work is the easier question. And yes I am surprised I managed to not come out without a prison sentence of murder or at least ABH. I think that’s where my hatred of people set in. But that i have decided, is for another post.
Anyways enjoy! Break the mould of your book abiding barista and get them to make what’s not on the menu!

Random New Years Message

Ok so Happy New Year!
Normally at the beginning of the year I have a feeling. Yeah yeah I know it sounds wanky, but its true. I have a feeling of how the year will be. One year I remember feeling like I was going to be ok for money and that year low and behold I landed quite a few commercials and was better financially than I had been before. Not that I have any of that moulah now as I am atrocious at saving! But anywho! Another year I felt like I was going to be away from home a lot. Very fortunately I was asked out to India on a lot of occasions for great projects on the Bollywood scene. The year before I hadn’t been offered any jobs abroad. It wasn’t just like I hadn’t taken any and that next year i had changed my mind and started taking the offers.
One year I freaked a little as I just couldn’t feel anything. Felt unsure about how the year was going to go. Then as that first day of January went on I started to feel more positive about the year and got excited by the prospect of it. ( no I wasn’t just getting through a hangover!) that year the first half of it was pretty non existent. I don’t remember anything memorable, or challenging or anything I learnt through that time apart from patience. Then just as the last quarter of the year started I started picking up work again. An amazing and enjoyable project pretty much landed in my lap.
I totally understand if your like nuh rubbish. That’s fine I understand.
If your still here then I will move onto my point( not totally sure there is one but I did have one at one point) the way this year started I think was my point.
So this year. The clock struck twelve, I’m with the two most important people in my life, we have a circle of crackers( yes we are all a bit nuts, but I mean literally we are joined by Christmas crackers) we pull on them as the bell chimes and….crack….I lose from both sides.
Now this would normally, I’m sure, not be weird to most people or to myself but this last Christmas I was the cracker queen. And randomly there were a lot to pull. I was winning nail clippers and mini note pads left right and centre!
But here I am on my one special psychic day of the year, and I am stood with none of the prizes. Of course having the crazy actress brain I have, full of neurotic tendencies, superstitions galore and the all consuming fear of bad luck, this flickers a warning sign into my head!!
WARNING!! THIS IS A SIGN!!!!!! WARNING!!!!! this means you will not win any jobs!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
So of course I deal with it as any actress does,(it all goes internal) I put on a big smile and am happy for the oscar winners with their mini magic trick, paper crown and amazing trivia questions certificate.
Ok so it unnerved me, but as I have grown up a little I didn’t let it totally freak me out ( well maybe a little) I got on with the day. I went to bed.
Later on, we took a walk. Of course I did I’m English, its what we do. Nice brisk drenching walk in the lovely rain soaked clarty paths of Devon.
Got back from the torture and settled in to bum flattening movie watching! Random choices I’m sure you will think Jerry Maguire and Fight Club. Now we came to this more through bullying and winding up each other over the last few months. My two compadres needed to be educated in very different ways. We came to the truce of both being watched on this one afternoon of complete rest.
Anyways my long winded story brings me to the fact that Jerry Maguire reminded me to remember.
Remember why I always wanted to be an actress.
Remember the passion.
Remember the little things.
Remember what’s actually important.
Just Remember.

Wills had never wanted to watch the Tom Cruise blockbuster. But we did and I think even he got something out of it.

So anyways moving onto the Mothers education with Fight Club.
Well if your can’t even begin to think what I was reminded and empassioned about I think you had better get off your Device, laptop iPad, phone whatever and get a hold of Fight Club and watch it!
It reminded me to be alive. However Im Not about to give up the desire to perform. But I do want to live with purpose. Live with my conscience in tact. I must admit the last year I have made enemies because I started to remember my morals and have some self worth. I tell you, it’s hard to do. But worth it. I lost people I worked closely with, people who enabled me to make good money. Really though, what did they aid my life. What do those people aid your life? Coz they are there. And they are sucking you dry.
They chipped and chipped away at my self worth. Watching Fight Club reminded me, to take some control back. To take responsibility for where I am and who I am. In one sense i saw it all as a mission statement to my brain.
My Mission Statement

Just Be.
But Be, who you want to be.
Be who you are without forgetting others are only trying to be who they think they should be.

I’m sorry if that’s just ramblings to you but it made sense to me. We all work on a slightly different wave length. Maybe someone out there will find this clicks with them. I hope so, I feel enlightened by life.

Happy New Year!